Learn to transform tensions during the festive season

Posted on: 31st December, 2013

Category: Health & Lifestyle

Contributor: West Cork People

By Thomas Reid-Muller of The Hollies, Enniskeane www.thehollies.ie

How to prepare the Christmas turkey is one thing. Who you share it with can be quite another. Many people are looking forward to Christmas because they’ll spend time together with their family. But some are probably dreading it for the same reason, because relationship tensions might hover like a dark cloud over the house. If that sounds familiar, you might want to know what you can do to mind yourself and your relationships.

It always helps to study your own behaviour and your emotional responses to other people. If say, your mother-in-law treats you a certain way and her other relatives in a more pleasant way, you have choices: Take it personally and get upset and withdrawn (as usual). Or: take it personally and challenge her thus rocking the boat for the first time. You might want to rehearse that one if you want to risk it. It is not always possible but sometimes by promising to transform the relationship in exciting and positive ways, it can work. Or, you can study your internal responses and learn new ways of accepting her, accepting yourself and moving on to ‘pick your battles’ elsewhere.

There are many tools for self care when you feel tensions: Emotional Freedom Technique, breathing and mindfulness practice and Tai Chi Gong belong into this tool box, as much as Non-Violent Communication — this useful approach was developed by Marshall Rosenberg (cnvc.org). It is not just for direct and compassionate communication but also for understanding your triggers: what you feel when somebody else does or says something or doesn’t do or say what you think they should do or say is often an indicator of what you haven’t resolved in yourself and can’t forgive in others But don’t beat yourself up — compassion to yourself comes first. Unless you are kind to yourself, kindness to others can be unwholesome. The upset is usually more in how your mind interprets what others do, than in what actually happens. And you do have a chance to control your own mind…and less of a chance of controlling other people’s minds  — although many would love to, and sometimes believe they can.

I’m proposing an entertaining pre-Christmas training for those who want to learn how to better protect themselves from emotional stress, and find calmer and more harmonious ways for relating…and sometimes this has to do with how you negotiate and maintain your boundaries. This is an energising practice that will raise your hopes and get rid of your tensions. This training could also be seen as a relationship jiu-jitsu…not heavy, but skilful, light-hearted with a good sprinkling of good natured humour and flavoursome Christmas food. Mulled tea and Christmas biscuits will be served for this training with a difference.

Give yourself a treat, Relationship Do-Jo, Thursdays, December 12 and 19, from 7:30 to 10 pm at the West Lodge Hotel in Bantry.

The same treat will be offered in Cork City on Mondays, December 9 and 16, from 7 to 10pm at Dervish, 50 Corn Market Street in Cork City.

Thomas Riedmuller, experienced family and community mediator, communication trainer and education director of The Hollies Centre for Practical Sustainability. Course bookings: info@thehollies.ie or phone: 023 8847001.

Latest News Articles:

Clonakilty Fairtrade Fortnight celebrates 15 years
€44 million to improve Cork roads
Clonakilty Access Group AGM hears of many frustrations and challenges for people with disabilities in the town
Schull student scoops top invention award at BT Young Scientist
Schull Garda Station wins ‘Leading Light in Road Safety’ award from Road Safety Authority
Go quackers at the 2018 West Cork Bird Race
Bandon in danger of losing its youth café
Local professionals invited to Anam Cara information pack launch
Bandon Transport and Public Realm Enhancement Plan shortlisted for Irish Planning Awards
Christmas on the beat

Join us on Facebook

Did you know..... ... See MoreSee Less

Main course

17th February, 2018  ·  

Check out this new upbeat indie-folk track Edges, released today from Inni-K with a video by Myles O'Reilly. Inni-K will be performing at Levis’, Ballydehob on Saturday 24th February, with support from Sam Clague.

... See MoreSee Less

16th February, 2018  ·  

Vikings talk in Clonakilty!

“The Viking Gold and Silver Hoards from County Cork” is the topic of the next Dúchas Clonakilty Heritage lecture on Thursday 22nd at the Parish Centre starting at 8pm.

It will be delivered by John Sheehan, senior lecturer in the Archaeology Department, UCC and a former member of the Heritage Council and the Board of the National Museum of Ireland.

The Vikings were an important presence in Ireland for over two centuries. As well as inflicting great terror they were also responsible for introducing urbanism and new economic systems to the country.

In this talk the focus will be on the economy, looking at the gold and silver hoards that were buried in Co. Cork. It will also explore how these hoards were discovered, what happened to them, and where they are now!
... See MoreSee Less

15th February, 2018  ·  

Bandon Toastmasters is a club that helps people overcome Glossophobia, a fear of public speaking. The club is holding a night of inspirational and motivational speakers on February 22 that is a must for anybody wishing to overcome this phobia.
Tickets can be purchased either on the club's facebook page or through eventbrite.

... See MoreSee Less

13th February, 2018  ·  

Get your togs on in aid of Bantry lifeboat..... ... See MoreSee Less

8th February, 2018  ·  

Jump to: